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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in bliss0420's LiveJournal:

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Friday, December 31st, 2004
3:14 am
Check out my other journal, bitches.............flatrdnonsense
Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
12:30 am
Groove Salad
damn it time for some good dj's to start spinning in minneapolis or smoethin, i could just really use some new music all types but especially electronic.

anyhoo, christmas was nice, but it wasn't the same without my sister here, i really miss her. but i enjoyed my birthday, but i missed debbie and dani and katie. i'm sure i'll see them over break sometime though.

dud snowboarding has been so much fun lately, i love that rachel has gotten into it and seems to be learning quicklyu and hopefully enjoying it, i know i do. i really want to go somehwere nice though, like even if its just spirit, but colorado or somwehting wouls be kick ass too. or like BC, i've always wanted to go snoeboarding in canada, ive heeard it pretty good.
i'm really looking forward to new years, it's gunna be great. the Wu is gunna rip and i[m gunna be so shwasted that the next day i'll still be waster for caddy shack at the uptown theatre. it's gunna be a long two days. can't wait.

well, it's late and i need to go to bed so i can get up in the morning for work and make the best of my day!
Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
11:35 am
a dream, another dream
last night i, well actuall i think it was more like 8:30 this morning, but anyways i had this amzing dream, it was beautiful. but when i woke up i was so sad. you know when you have a great dream and something happens in it and it gives you this great feeling and you wake up and realize it was all just a dream, well that happened. so here it is...
i'm just lazin around home, kinda down i felt and i get a call, i answer it and the othere end says, erin, i'm single
congradulations
erin, i'm single, make me whole....or something to that affect.
it was him, so somehow i end up at this palace thing it was immaculate and i walked into the massive entry and there he was, but nothing special, just him in his usuals and he told me he was glad i came (although in my dream i had no idea how i got there or where i was) anyways he showed me around, i guess it was is dad's place and i met his family and they were going to dinner so we said good-bye, his little sister was soooo cute, like two with curly brown hair and a little dress on and she ran outside first and i moved to the window and watched the driver help her into a sleigh, that's right a sleigh with odl antique chairs and she climbed onto the big one, which i can only assume was to beher fathers chair and the driver picked her up and put her on the little red chair then i turned around and he was looking at me. as the rest of the family left he took me out back and suddenly it was day time and it was sunny and warm and absolutely gorgeous, we walked out into this huge field and there was everything from dirtbikes and fourwheelers to horses and chickens, he just walked into the pasture and leaped up onto a horse and suddenly i was looking at him from atop my own horse and we rode around in the warm sun, i felt honeslty like i was in the lion the witch and wrdrobe in the begnning scenes when they are outside playing in the almost unreal landscape.
suddenly john and carly and eric and dani and rachel were there...out of nowhere, and we weren't on horses anymore, we were just running around having fun and then we were all kinda lounging on piles of hay bails and watching a baseball game...that's right in his back yard or wherever the hell we were. i said i was getting tired and i was gunna leave, i turned to him to say thank you and good-bye and he kissed my neck and i heard somehting about live journal and i don't know who said it but i don't think it was him, maybe rachel and dani were talking about it or something, but then i was leaving and i was walking back to the"Palace" by myself. along the way i saw a pop machine and i was really thirsty and when i got closer i saw that it was only 25 cents, but all the pop i wanted was behind one of an icky kind, but then i saw fanta in a weird bottle, so i got that and while i was getting it this young guy looked at me and asked me what my business was there and i told him i was with the guy over there on the rodeo horse, because when i looked over to where we had all been sitting he was riding a some othere crazy horse, it was great. then i walked past the baseball game and there was some big play happening and i yelled something and suddenly my parents were there watching the game with some olderguy in a suit that was in a wheel chair and he extended his hand and said, "it's erin, right?" and i said yes, i can only assume it was his father, but odd, he wasn't in a wheel chair earlier in the dream. anyways, he asked if i like baseball and i said yes, it's one of my favorite sports. he kind of luaghed and said thats great and nice to meet you. then i woke up.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Current Mood: quixotic
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
11:58 pm
ahhh they always do...
sooner or later they will and when they do...
god its gunna be good
i'm gunna sit back and watch
like i'm looking into a mirror from the past
and everytime they look at me
i'm gunna burn through them with my solid gaze
glorious



breathe out
so i can breathe you in

Current Mood: determined
Sunday, December 12th, 2004
11:36 pm
so much of me wonders why i am not the person i want to be...
the other part of me, is just myself
the one i don't think i want to be

sometimes its like i'm burning down the gates

last night i did something that for the last two years i never thought i would be able to do, i said no, and i really meant it. honestly i was a little scared, but after it came out the first time, it felt really good. i said no...no. i left and i admit ifelt alittle lost and wasn't quite sure if i s=hould go home and be alone, i didn't want to sit and think right away.

i left, i found good people and a beautiful night, needless to say i lost my sweatshirt

I've walked these streets
A virtual stage
It seemed to me
Make up on their faces
Actors took their
Places next to me


I've walked these streets
In a carnival
Of sights to see
All the cheap thrill seekers
The vendors and the dealers
They crowded around me


Have I been blind
Have I been lost
Inside my self and
My own mind
Hypnotized
Mesmerized
By what my eyes have seen?


I've walked these streets
In a spectacle of wealth and poverty
In the diamond markets
The scarlet welcome carpet
That they just rolled out for me


I've walked these streets
In the mad house asylum
They can be
Where a wild eyed misfit prophet
On a traffic island stopped
And he raved of saving me


Have I been blind
Have I been lost
Inside my self and
My own mind
Hypnotized
Mesmerized
By what my eyes have seen?


Have I been wrong
Have I been wise
To shut my eyes
And play along
Hypnotized
Paralyzed
By what my eyes have found
By what my eyes have seen
What they have seen?


Have I been blind
Have I been lost
Inside my self and
My own mind
Hypnotized
Mesmerized
By what my eyes have found
In that great street carnival
In that carnival?
Saturday, December 4th, 2004
1:43 am
k, so no date tonightk i was abot too inebriated tp handle such an adventure, so insteadc i called everyone in my phne book and ended up gointo aparty with dani at som guy's ouse named AK and i guess he has it tattooed to his foremarms...cool.!! rightkk anyways, it'sile !:$%...;(1:45) and i
m fuckin rashed and layinmg in bed aftr a long night op fgettint shwatseed with my parents and their clients at the shop and parying witha byunch of wawted thugs n e-townl....woooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!fucken right motherfuckers, it;'s been real...ha ......SEX!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
8:15 pm
yea, so today is the second time this week i skipped my literature and composition class, i only have it on tuesdays and thursdays but i haven't done any of my work for the class and i just figured i skip and get all the work done on tuesday and then be finek but instead i layed infront of the televsiosn and watched a bunch of novies and then today i did the same, i donn't get it, i'm really lazy lately, no motivation what so ever. i'll need to do some major work this weekend or somethin and that will be fun,,,ha! swell, what a fantastic weekend, homework and working at the shop, three times nore than usual, at least i get to serve champaign to the rich snobby women while pretending that i enjoy their reiking perfume and goddy jewelry. well i supposee i'll be intoxicated non the less, hopefully i to won't be too painfull. OH and i have a date sorta, this really cute guy from my geology class, Justin, and i'm kida excited but at the same time it;s alittle weird to think of myself with anyone other than kjasdfnkhgk. so yea, i supposee neither of us have any expectations, but still, it's a date with a prearraged time, and itinerary, k, well see ya later.
Sunday, November 28th, 2004
10:38 pm
Well thanksgiving was great, i really enjoyed seeing my family, although i really wanted to see jeramiah and he wasn't there, he kinda is off in his own world now, 2osomething and crazy, i love him and miss him. but that aside, i really had fun with everyone else. Also, it was fucking awesome to have everyone home for a long weekend. ana, aldis, and james, this is you, i'm sorry i didn[t get to party a little more with you guys, but winter break is coming soon and then we'll have a couple of weeks, yea, it'll be fun!
well what else can i say, this weekend was such a tease...he wore his sexy harley davidson jecket, he's so fucking gorgeous and then the jacket just sets it off, my heart skipped a beat and my breath staggered in it's absence when i saw him get out of the truck. so fine and course all at the smae time, ummm. well, i guess it's just another test of my self control,
honestly it's become kind of a joke between me and myself, like i see him, talk to him, laugh with him, but i can't have him and ha ha ha, i can't and it fucking sux, tear. tear sniffle sniffle, oh well, some day maybe. right?

oh and thanks to ana i now have a good song that truely hits the spot

just because i don't sya anything
doesn't mean i don't like you

i open my mouth and i try and i try
but no words came out

without 40 oz of social skills
i'm just an ass in the crack of hujanity
i am just a huge manity

and beside your probably holding hands
with some skinny pretty girl that like to talk about bands

all i wann do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late and watch cartoons

i wanna watch cartoons with you
josie and the pussy cats and scooby doo

i want you to watch cartoons with me

all i wanna do is ride bikes wiht you
and stay up late and maybe spoon.
Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
11:43 pm
where is he?
so, i've been single for five and half, almost six months and the freedom to feel however i wnat when ever i want if awesome, and i love dong what i please and saying what i feelike and all that stuff, k, its great,. But really i want to have that someone, even if its realsijmple, but that one that i can have a soft kiss with and call up when something sux and especially when something rox!!! also, to be quite honest, i've been going to alot of movieson my own and although i enjoyu the movies, i feeol like sucha loser, and i really don't have anyone i can laugh with or scream with or waht ever. I just wish there was someone, maybe someday he'ss just walk in and that'll be that. or maybe i'll hold the door for him and he'll say thank you and smile. who knows, maybe he'll have a pair of black jeans and beatiful smile, he'' like hats and love music, coffee, and jokes.


maybe


i'm an ocean in your bedroom
make you feel make you wanna rezone
i'm a danceheart dirty breakbeat
make the snow fall up from underneath your feat
now we know it all for sure

i'm a meht lab
first rehab
take it all off
and step inside the running cab

i'm the rainbow in your jailcell
all the memories of everything yo ever smelled

i'm an inbred
and a pothead
two legs that you spread inside the tool shed
Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
12:02 pm
so nipples...attention or what? i don't get it, honestly i feel like just because someone else has it done it makes it thie thinkg to do or something, lame. you should only have something peirced for yourself and also if your willing to show everyone...upper body that is...boobs are for flashing...pussies are for fucking. Period. anyhoo...i've been having trouble with the postal service lately, i sent ana this package and three days later i got it back, maybe the addresswas wrong or something, but i'm pissed because it was suppossed to be a birthday gift and know by the time it gets there it will be a week past. i think i should verify her address, then maybe i'll have some luck.

so my dreams kinda ceased for about two weeks and about three or four days ago they started back up again...alitle different though...
so in every dream i'm sleeping in bed, in "My room" but it's not my reall room and there is all this stuff going on around me and i'm still sleeping but kind of aware as well and in everydreamm he comes over and in a couple he just wkaes me up and is like "ok, ready, we goin, come on..."\
but in the last on he just sat on my bed and leaned against the wall and was talking to me and engaging in what ever it was that was goin on around me at the time and i just kep rolling over and dozing off again. its weird. whatever, it can't mean anything cuz really, i mean really, it can't.

k so what else is new????
well, nothing really, that's pathetic, i know. well i guess i can just look forward to this weekend
ntsss nntss nntss nttss s s s swa swa swomp womp womp derwomp

Current Mood: calm
Thursday, October 21st, 2004
8:24 pm
honestly
k really, god damn it all i really want is interaction, i feel like such a hermit. i just want to go out, have some fucking good music maybe do some dancing, ok who am i kidding do a lot of dancing, i don't even need any drugs i just want something to do, i wish i had some friends that were still here. i just want some fucking FUN. i want to go out, have people there around me, people to talk to , and you know even strabgers will do, in fact maybe thats even better, people i can meet and be new with. that would be nice, a change of sorts. I could use it.
Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
6:06 pm
WARNING...the mind cannot handle
Blazing Bursting
Sweetness
So much of us is lost
Profussion
When it fills me up
Putrid blue sky
Stream burning tears
Like mothers cream
Since all is left
Not one can breathe
Paints the sky
Red Deliscious, Pink and wet
In tingling submission
My lips lurst
Exploding bliss
In a mist of moist magic
Splendid Confussion
4:07 pm
AHHHHHH!
OH my FUCKING GOD...anyone but me, honestly the one thing i want it to be me for and it's everyone and anyone BUT me. not surprising really, i should know better than to id myself, she's got everything and me, well i have nothing. I'm not feeling sorry for myslef, i'm just a little pissed off that everything works out perfect for her and when it comes to my dreams they are run over by her golden chariot on it's way to the ball. BAH!

Current Mood: crushed
Saturday, October 16th, 2004
12:55 am
so i'm really excited for halloween...i love gettin g dressed up and Madtown is gunna be sick. I know there is no way in hell that i won't enjoy myself...i can't wait. plus i'm really looking forward to seeing Ana, i miss her and it's been a long time since i've gone this long with out seeing her. well i will now retire to the confort of my futon andwake up tomorrow fresh and ready to make some progress in my life.

oh by the way, i saw him tonight and he is still the most beautiful man i have ever layed my eye on, and will always be in my mind. someday, someday, and i will love it more than anything.

Current Mood: drained
Thursday, October 14th, 2004
11:36 pm
finally a new boue
so there is this guy in my combined freshman comp and classical literature: heriosim class and up until now he has always come of as sort of a prick, i really didn't like him, but this past tuesday changed all that. We were split into groups to do some discussion on the book we are reading: The Hero with A THrousand Faces (it's really complex, almost confusing, mythology shit) anyways we were put into a group together and he had some really interesting things to say. I've always thought that he was somewhat attractive but when i talked to him i found out that i'm really attracted to him. His name is Timothy J Otsby. he is also in my drafting group which is also my group for this project for or final. Today in class we got an hour and a half to do some drafting work on our odyssey papers and we were the only two that had any work done, so we exchanged and made some comments and by the time we were done we still had like and hour left so we just sat and talked and he seemed kinda into it. He kept asking questions and so did i, i found out that he went to trinity high school and he used to work at the macarroni grill by glayans and now he is living down town and working at palominos, funny as that is, i love that restaraunt. so, anyways i asked what his middle name was when i saw that he put timohty J ... on his draft and he was like, you asked me that before, and i knew i hadn't and he kept "Giving me shit" for it. Eventually he told me but i don't know, he seemed like a bit of a flirt, and i think that is kind of why i started to like him, pathetic huh? yea, i know. ah well, he really cute and it feels good to have someone else to like other than someone who acts like they hate you.

Current Mood: giddy
12:03 am
another wierd one
so, again, another weird dream...i don't get it, they all have one thing in common, him...but i swear to god, i'm getting over him, i mean i was never eally under him to begin with but you know, i don't feel like i think about him or even know enough about him to be dreaming of him so much...anyways here is what i remember...
i was playing fastpitch again, i wasn't actaullly playing it in the dream, but i was getting ready for a game or something and it started raining, so i was getting rain coats fro my family and then suddenly there was a change in events, suddenly i was at home in my room, just doing nothing really, some friends were there and we were doing crafts or something..he came over and was joining in in the actibities and then without any transition at all i was laying in my bed, half sleeping and i got cold or somehting and was pulling blankets over my feet, as i felt the warmth from the blanket, i felt his body wrapped around mine, it was nice, but foreign. it was only seconds before we were getting up and leaving for a game and i got nervouse because he was coming to watch, but i was also happy that he was going to be there. It took forever to get everything ready and by the time i was ready to go, events had changed again and rachels dad really wanted to bring us to the cabin, but he asked if he could do homework while we were there, i was just watching, saying nothing, rachels dad really wanted us to go and eventaully we all decided to go, but we never got there, things changed again, i think, i don't really remember what happened after that

it's so weird, i;m ready for a nights lseep without any dreams or at least one without him in it, i feel like i'm subconsiously obsessed or somehting.ahhhh

Current Mood: lost
Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
10:11 pm
i can't put my finger on it
so lately i've been having all these really and i mean really really weird dreams. like last night there was this really scary woman with scarfs on her head in a stair well doing homework and she kept her kid trapped inside their apartment and wouldn't let him leave even to ride his bike or something like that and she was so scary, like some monster thing. this wasn't my entire dream, although i kept coming back to the smae place through out the night. But then there was this part where this kid and i were in this like capsule thingy and we were on a water ride or something and at first it was really calm and smooth and we were just having a convo and shit and then it started to get really turbulent and we were being thrown all over the capsule thing and running into each other and eventually we were just clinging to each other and then it got a little close and by the end of the "ride" he was resting his head on my chest and i felt really releaved and i was just stroking his head, we both kinda felt this thing and then suddenly we stepped apart from each other and he was all like this is such an intense physical attraction, but that's all, and we felt like we were doing somehting wrong and that was it, we were on opposite sides of this capsule and i felt like crying and then i woke up...but not after returning to the scary woman in the stair well.
i haven't been puffing to much lately, 'cuz i can't really afford to, so maybe that is why my dreams are so intense and vivid, but i don't get what it means. Lately i have been feeling some guilt, but i don't even know why. I feel like i need to make amends, but to who and why?

Current Mood: pensive
12:37 am
funk
all i can think about now is the future, can i make it better for myself...i will, i have to, because if i don't i'm gunna rot in this disgusting place i used to consider home, but it no longer feels like home, it feels like a trap, a place i no longer belong in but am having trouble leaving, not because i don't want to but because i have no where to go and no means to get me there (which, right now is nowhere, but it will be sometime)


when your away i fill up with tears
i lose my mind
but when your around i take for granted
most of our time
honey you say that i;m cold
and sometimes im out of control
baby you know how i am at the end
you where always mine

Current Mood: tired
Monday, October 11th, 2004
12:11 am
remember when it was new to us both
remember the first time we kissed, the first time we touched, the warmth that we both felt when it was cold
remember the sun on our backs as we walked together hand in hand
remember the day in the room against the wall
remember the nights we sat together on the swings at the park
remember the long drives before i brought you home and the long anticipated kiss good night
remember flicking them off when they called our names midd kiss
remember holding me in your arms at the fireworks on the hill
remember the way i asked you where the future went
and remember you said where ever we want
i remember feeling bliss
remember have nothing to do and doing it together
i miss it

Current Mood: indescribable
Saturday, October 9th, 2004
10:26 am
huh?
i don't get it. why does he call? he calls and i answer and there isn't anything to be said, well i have stuff to say, but would i ever get the balls to say them to him, no, probably not. But he calls me and then the convo is dry and boring, i wish there was some clarification of interests or something.

Current Mood: confused
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